Sweet Home, Alabama

A few weeks ago I finally got to go out and visit Alabama. It was my first time visiting since I moved home in June. We left early on a Saturday morning to get to the Bob Hope Airport in Burbank. We flew from Burbank to Phoenix then from Phoenix to Birmingham followed by a 2 hour drive up to Florence.


Once we got to my sisters house in Florence my good friends Travis and Courtney came and picked me up. It was my "Siamese twin that was separated at birth" Ashley's birthday and I was her surprise present. I walked into her apartment and she was so happy to see me. I got to see a lot of my old friends that night. I woke up the next morning to head to my old church and it caught so many people off guard that I was there, I miss that church family so so much. I spent the rest of the day with my family, just hanging out and playing with my nephews Sean Sean and Nolan.

Monday, as a family, we headed up to Nashville because The Pioneer Woman was doing a book signing and my mom and sister wanted to go. We stopped in Franklin to get some lunch with one of my sisters friends. It was pouring rain the entire day and we didn't get to leave Nashville until pretty late but it was nice to spend that time with the family.

Tuesday and Wednesday nothing epic really happened, just relaxing with the family and what not. Hung out with my old roommate and some friends after church on Wednesday.

Thursday my family did Christmas, I got an Alabama Snuggie, its pretty ridiculous, but hey, it keeps you warm....and its Alabama. That night I stayed at Trav's in the room above the garage and it had to have been the coldest room I ever slept in.

Friday one of my best friends out there played an acoustic show at the local coffee shop. That was the first time I ever sat through his entire set. That night I stayed at Ashley's again and just hung out with them the next day before heading over to Tomlins house and having the epic awkward off with his sister-in-law Hanna.

Sunday I went to church again and my good friend Allie came down from Tennessee and brought her friend Kristen and we all hung out after church and went to lunch at Olive Garden so we could get some good food and I could say hi to my old co workers. I took them to train-bridge to take some pictures because its on of my favorite places in the shoals to go, my ex took me when we first started dating and ever since then I loved it. Its the old train bridge that went across the Tennessee River and when they stopped using it they only destroyed the half that would get lifted for the barges. It only goes out to Patton Island but it just stops and doesn't allow you to get on the island.

The entire week it was freezing cold and mostly raining. I miss that weather so much. When I moved home I told everyone I'd move back eventually. I thought eventually was sooner rather than later but after going back I cant see myself out there any time soon.

A Camera Lens And Careful Days

I love writing. I've done it as a way to express myself when I didn't have any other way too. Its released the pressure inside me when I was about to explode; love, hate, jealousy, faith, God or lack-there-of, friends, betrayal, politics, You name it and I've written about it. I never, ever censor what I say or what I want to say. I write what I need to say with the mentality of "I don't give a fuck what you think." I always have and I always will write like that and over the years that mentality has just transferred into my life and I love it.

I've always had something to say, about everything. Nothing has ever been simple in my eyes or mind. I could never sum up everything in one short line and that's why I started writing. The thing is lately everything has been in simple explanations. This has happened before, I wouldn't call it writers block because I'm definitely inspired still; inspired to take photos, write blogs, learn more techniques for photography or in photoshop, but I can't write a poem to save my life and that why poetry was put into my life, to save it.

The thing about the last statement, I thought for the longest time that my ability to write poem's was Gods gift to keep me alive, to express how I felt when I was suicidal so I wouldn't actually kill myself. Poetry was placed in my life to save my life but it's not my poetry that's doing it. I believe with all my heart that my writing will save someone else life just like how other peoples poems have saved mine. I've always been obsessed with lyrics and there are always lyrics that are exactly what I want to say but for some reason I cant say;

"I can't forget you. I know you want me to want you I want to. I can't forgive you. I know you want me to want you I want to."- Mayday Parade

"So this I swear I know, it's not the chemicals. You are off my mind, I finally got away. You said it's such a life to remember, so come on, and we'll sleep away December." - Lydia

"Goddamn", he said, "I promised myself I'd never feel this fucking way again." - Have Heart

"I love you so damn much; I’ll even start to pray. I’ll put my faith in all your bullshit if it means you’ll stay." - Senses Fail

These are just a few examples of lyrics that, at some point or another, have done more for me than anything my friends could have said or I could have written.

In my mind, those four statements are some of the most beautiful lines ever written. I sit there an analyze them over and over again, shredding them to pieces. Like how the singer of Lydia says "it's not the chemicals" referring to his battle with depression and its one of those moments you get the privilege of having ever so often when you can actually think straight or the way the singer of Have Heart, out of pure frustration, says "I promised myself I'd never feel this fucking way again." Anyone that has ever dealt with depression can understand that feeling of finally being happy and fight the episode that's coming and finally it becomes to much. I could go on for days and days and days about just those four quotes.

I guess the only thing I'm really trying to say is....take what you want out of what you've read, everything is up for your own interpretation.




Side note...
The two pictures in this blog were taken about 3 and a half years apart. The top one was around December 2005 in Lancaster, CA in the middle of my depression and you can see how miserable I was. The other one was taken April 2009 in Madison, AL and I love that picture because I look so happy because I was genuinely happy in that picture. It's photographic proof that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for the fight against depression. I never thought I would see that light but I did. If anyone reading this struggles with depression I can and will personally tell you there is hope, it does end.