Still Searching....

Was 2009 anything that I expected? Hell no! Lets just go through the twists and turns of my year; the good and the bad choices.

January -I began my year in the great state of Alabama. I started talking to Haley, who had a crazy military boyfriend. He threatened to "beat the shit out of me" and I replied with questioning his manhood...this escalated to him threatening to kill me...I still question his manhood and even told him to do it. Good choice. My nephew sean was in the hospital for a few days, it was the single most depressing thing I had ever seen.
February - I started talking to a good friend Alli and blew that after going to dinner with my X and thinking I had a chance. Bad choice. My sister had her second child, Nolan, he was HUGE. My parents drove out from California to see the new grandchild. Good choice. I got my iPhone. Good choice. I went to see For Today/MyChildren MyBride/ The Ghost Inside in MCMB's home town. Good Choice.
March - I started talking to Stephanie. Good choice at the time...I was wrong.

April - I start my sleeve, a rising sun to show overcoming depression. Good Choice. I go tubing with Brett and Travis, leave with bruised heals and butts. I go tubing with Brett and Travis again, Brett and I fall off a huge waterfall into a deep pool, good choice, we float down the river further and Brett and I fall off a smaller waterfall and land on rocks and almost drown. Bad Choice. I go to RFKC training in Madison and go see Saints Never Surrender/ Venia/ Ambush! that same night, all on 3 hours of sleep. Good choice.
May - I turn 21. Travis moves back in with his parents and thats the end of the snake pit. I get my chest tattooed. I get more work on my arm done. Good choice. Travis and I shave birthday mustache's cause I was born on Cinco De Mayo. Good Choice.
June - I move back to California. Stephanie becomes my girlfreind. I get offered my job at Coffee House Ideas. I do the video for RFKC. I go to Oxnard with Stephanie and her cousin and his wife, Stephanie and I go to Warped Tour. I got to see my best friend Nicole for the first time in 6 months. Good choice.

July - Filming on location in the mountains, my parents go out to Alabama for 2 weeks for my oldest nephews birthday. Started fighting with Stephanie a lot. Bad choice. I bought a camera and started doing photography. Good Choice.
August - Filmed a show for a client. Went to Vegas with Stephanie for 5 days, pierced my nose, skated with her cousin Ernie everyday. Realized that on a skateboard, for me at least, everything is perfect. Good Choice. Still fought with Stephanie a lot.

September - Fought with Stephanie a lot. Added a lot more to my arm. Broke up with Stephanie. Got my life back. Great choice. I became a vegetarian again.


October - Added color to my arm. My mom had heart surgery again...it got fixed this time. I started going to Lifeline and Pulse every week. Spent Halloween working at the church. Good choice.



November - I went to lunch with Jennifer. I started blogging a lot. I started dating Jenn. I started doing more photography for bands just for fun. I go snowboarding with Jenn and Steven and break my collar bone. Jenn went to Texas for Thanksgiving, which started bittersweet December. I had Thanksgiving with my bosses family. Jenn became my girlfriend officially. Great choice.



December - I go visit Alabama for 9 days. Good choice. A day and a half after I get back Jenn leaves for Massachusetts for 12 days. I film 24 episodes of a show for a client, I work 41 hours in 3 days. Bad choice. I go down to Pico Rivera and Santa Monica with Hannah and we run out of gas on the way home, while waiting for my cousin and uncle to come rescue us we actually finish the entire 99 bottles of beer song. Hilarious choice. Jenn comes home and we exchange Christmas presents, she got me this cute bracelet with our initials engraved on it.
All in all it was a good year. Those are just some of the notable incidents of my year. It was a good year, I never expected to move home, I never expected to start dating Jenn. I never thought I'd enjoy seeing people from high school again. Man how we grow.

Too Bright To See, Too Loud To Hear

So here is my list of top listens of 2009. Some of these werent released in 2009. Keep your eyes out for the CD's that don't fit, there are a few.

Anarbor - Free Your Mind
AFI - Crash Love
AFI - Sing The Sorrow
AFI - Shut Your Mouth and Open Your Eyes
Against Me! - New Wave
The All- American Rejects - When The World Comes Down
As Cities Burn - Come. Now. Sleep.
As Tall As Lions - As Tall As Lions
The Audition - Self-Titled Album
Betrayal - The Peoples Fallacy
Blood for Blood - Outlaw Anthems
Brand New - The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me.
Bring Me The Horizon - Suicide Season
Carridale - Attack of the Bro-Bots(Redux)
City and Colour - Sometimes
City and Colour - Live
City and Colour - Bring Me Your Love
Confide - Shout The Truth
Crime in Stereo - Explosive and the Will to Use Them
Crime in Stereo - Is Dead
The Cure - Disintegration
Dance Gavin Dance - Happiness
Danger Radio - Punch Your Lights Out
Darkest Hour - Undoing Ruin
Dave Melillo - Talk is Cheap
A Day to Remember - Homesick
Dear and the Headlights - Drunk Like Bible Times
Deez Nuts - Stay True
Dr. Dre - Chronic 2001
Endwell - Consequences
Evergreen Terrace - Sincerity Is An Easy Disguise in This Business
Evergreen Terrace - Wolfbiker
Evergreen Terrace - Almost Home
Eye Alaska - Genesis Underground
Fight Fair! -Settle The Score
Finch - What it is to Burn
Fireworks - All I Have to Offer is my Own Confusion
Foo Fighters - One By One
For The Fallen Dreams - Relentless
For Today - Portraits
Four Year Strong - Rise or Die Trying
Gallows - Grey Britain
The Gaslight Anthem - The '59 Sound
The Ghost Inside - Fury and the Fallen
Glassjaw - Worship and Tribute
The Glorious Unseen - Tonight the Stars Speak
The Great Commission - Every Knee Shall Bow
Gym Class Heroes - As Cruel as School Children
Gym Class Heroes - The Quilt
H2O - Nothing to Prove
The Higher - On Fire
Honey Honey - First Rodeo
I Am Terrified - I Am Terrified
Imogen Heap - Speak For Yourself
Impending Doom - The Serpent Servant
In Irons - Heartbeat of the Times
John Legend - Evolver
Johnny Craig - A Dream is a Question You Can't Answer
Killswitch Engage - The End of Heartache
K'naan - Troubadour
Ligeia - Bad News
A Loss For Words - The Kids Can't Lose
Love Is Red - The Hardest Fight
Lydia - Illuminate
Lydia - This December...It's One More and I'm Free
Mayday Parade - A Lesson in Romantic's
Mayday Parade - Anywhere But Here
Means - Sending You Strength
Means - To Keep Me From Sinking
Misery Signals - Controller
MxPx - Secret Weapon
MyChildren, MyBride - Unbreakable
NeverShoutNever! - Me and My Uke
NeverShoutNever! - The Summer EP
NeverShoutNever! - The Yippee EP
No Doubt - Tragic Kingdom
Oceana - Birth Eater
The Offspring - Americana
The Offspring - Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace
Owl City - Ocean Eyes
Paramore - Brand New Eyes
The Red Baron - My First Love
Relient K - Mmhmm
Relient K - The Birds and The Bee Sides
Ruiner - Hell is Empty
Ruiner - I Heard These Dudes Were Assholes
Ruiner - Prepare to be Let Down
Saints Never Surrender - Brutus
Senses Fail - Still Searching
Senses Fail - Life is Not A Waiting Room
Set Your Goals - Mutiny!
Set Your Goals - This Will Be the Death of Us
Shai Hulud - Misanthropy Pure
Sleeping Giant - Dread Champions of the Last Days
Sleeping Giant - Sons of Thunder
The Starting Line - Directions
Stick To Your Guns - Comes From The Heart
T.I. - Paper Trail
Take It Back! - Cant Fight Robots
Teddy Gieger - Underage Thinking
This Will Destroy You - Young Mountains
Trenches - The Tide Will Swallow Us Whole
UnderOath - Lost in The Sound of Separation
Villette - Looks Like You Missed Out EP
xDeathstarx - We Are The Threat


The bold titles are cd's that meant more to me than just music and melodies. It helped me through rough times, helped me enjoy fun times and things like down. This year was full of ups and downs and it shows it in my music.

Sweet Home, Alabama

A few weeks ago I finally got to go out and visit Alabama. It was my first time visiting since I moved home in June. We left early on a Saturday morning to get to the Bob Hope Airport in Burbank. We flew from Burbank to Phoenix then from Phoenix to Birmingham followed by a 2 hour drive up to Florence.


Once we got to my sisters house in Florence my good friends Travis and Courtney came and picked me up. It was my "Siamese twin that was separated at birth" Ashley's birthday and I was her surprise present. I walked into her apartment and she was so happy to see me. I got to see a lot of my old friends that night. I woke up the next morning to head to my old church and it caught so many people off guard that I was there, I miss that church family so so much. I spent the rest of the day with my family, just hanging out and playing with my nephews Sean Sean and Nolan.

Monday, as a family, we headed up to Nashville because The Pioneer Woman was doing a book signing and my mom and sister wanted to go. We stopped in Franklin to get some lunch with one of my sisters friends. It was pouring rain the entire day and we didn't get to leave Nashville until pretty late but it was nice to spend that time with the family.

Tuesday and Wednesday nothing epic really happened, just relaxing with the family and what not. Hung out with my old roommate and some friends after church on Wednesday.

Thursday my family did Christmas, I got an Alabama Snuggie, its pretty ridiculous, but hey, it keeps you warm....and its Alabama. That night I stayed at Trav's in the room above the garage and it had to have been the coldest room I ever slept in.

Friday one of my best friends out there played an acoustic show at the local coffee shop. That was the first time I ever sat through his entire set. That night I stayed at Ashley's again and just hung out with them the next day before heading over to Tomlins house and having the epic awkward off with his sister-in-law Hanna.

Sunday I went to church again and my good friend Allie came down from Tennessee and brought her friend Kristen and we all hung out after church and went to lunch at Olive Garden so we could get some good food and I could say hi to my old co workers. I took them to train-bridge to take some pictures because its on of my favorite places in the shoals to go, my ex took me when we first started dating and ever since then I loved it. Its the old train bridge that went across the Tennessee River and when they stopped using it they only destroyed the half that would get lifted for the barges. It only goes out to Patton Island but it just stops and doesn't allow you to get on the island.

The entire week it was freezing cold and mostly raining. I miss that weather so much. When I moved home I told everyone I'd move back eventually. I thought eventually was sooner rather than later but after going back I cant see myself out there any time soon.

The Wanderer

It was a dark and stormy Alabama night when I ventured over to the Tomlin Manor. If I knew the battle of my life was about to take place I would have told my family I loved them before I left. My nemesis was attempting to take embarrassing photos of the Tomlin couple for God knows what and it was up to me to come to the rescue.

These next images are graphic and may note be suitable fore someone with a weak stomach.

It started with close defensive maneuvers.

It quickly evolved into something more and I had to pull out an attachment to help me.

As the fight went on I was forced to pull out the big gun and try to snipe her from afar. Which I did...a couple times.
he sent two attack dogs after me towards the end of the battle.
It was an epic battle and a great rainy Saturday night in Florence.

A Camera Lens And Careful Days

I love writing. I've done it as a way to express myself when I didn't have any other way too. Its released the pressure inside me when I was about to explode; love, hate, jealousy, faith, God or lack-there-of, friends, betrayal, politics, You name it and I've written about it. I never, ever censor what I say or what I want to say. I write what I need to say with the mentality of "I don't give a fuck what you think." I always have and I always will write like that and over the years that mentality has just transferred into my life and I love it.

I've always had something to say, about everything. Nothing has ever been simple in my eyes or mind. I could never sum up everything in one short line and that's why I started writing. The thing is lately everything has been in simple explanations. This has happened before, I wouldn't call it writers block because I'm definitely inspired still; inspired to take photos, write blogs, learn more techniques for photography or in photoshop, but I can't write a poem to save my life and that why poetry was put into my life, to save it.

The thing about the last statement, I thought for the longest time that my ability to write poem's was Gods gift to keep me alive, to express how I felt when I was suicidal so I wouldn't actually kill myself. Poetry was placed in my life to save my life but it's not my poetry that's doing it. I believe with all my heart that my writing will save someone else life just like how other peoples poems have saved mine. I've always been obsessed with lyrics and there are always lyrics that are exactly what I want to say but for some reason I cant say;

"I can't forget you. I know you want me to want you I want to. I can't forgive you. I know you want me to want you I want to."- Mayday Parade

"So this I swear I know, it's not the chemicals. You are off my mind, I finally got away. You said it's such a life to remember, so come on, and we'll sleep away December." - Lydia

"Goddamn", he said, "I promised myself I'd never feel this fucking way again." - Have Heart

"I love you so damn much; I’ll even start to pray. I’ll put my faith in all your bullshit if it means you’ll stay." - Senses Fail

These are just a few examples of lyrics that, at some point or another, have done more for me than anything my friends could have said or I could have written.

In my mind, those four statements are some of the most beautiful lines ever written. I sit there an analyze them over and over again, shredding them to pieces. Like how the singer of Lydia says "it's not the chemicals" referring to his battle with depression and its one of those moments you get the privilege of having ever so often when you can actually think straight or the way the singer of Have Heart, out of pure frustration, says "I promised myself I'd never feel this fucking way again." Anyone that has ever dealt with depression can understand that feeling of finally being happy and fight the episode that's coming and finally it becomes to much. I could go on for days and days and days about just those four quotes.

I guess the only thing I'm really trying to say is....take what you want out of what you've read, everything is up for your own interpretation.




Side note...
The two pictures in this blog were taken about 3 and a half years apart. The top one was around December 2005 in Lancaster, CA in the middle of my depression and you can see how miserable I was. The other one was taken April 2009 in Madison, AL and I love that picture because I look so happy because I was genuinely happy in that picture. It's photographic proof that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for the fight against depression. I never thought I would see that light but I did. If anyone reading this struggles with depression I can and will personally tell you there is hope, it does end.

Head or Tails? Yes or No?

Lately, musically, I've been listening to a lot of different bands and different types of music. Here is a quick little recap for everyone.

1. Isel & Glaciers leaked 3 song demo.
Okay, to start off about Isles and Glaciers It's a scene kids wet dream. Lead vocals are taken care of by Craig Owens (ex-Chiodos/ Cinematic Sunrise/ The Sounds of Animals Fighting) and Johnny Craig (ex-Dance Gavin Dance/ Emarosa), guitar is taken care of by Vic Fuentes (Pierce the Vail), Nick Martin (Underminded), and Brian Southall (The Recieving End of Sirens), Matt Goddard (Chiodos) plays bass and last Vic's brother Mike Fuentes(Pierce the Veil) is on drums. One of the things that I love about this band is that both Nick and Vic are the vocalist of their main bands and this gets utilized and doesn't get looked over, Craig and Johnny obviously sing the moth but Vic does a good amount of singing and Nick does most of the screaming. Probably my favorite part about this band is that it doesn't sound like Chiodos or TREOS or any other band that they play in, you can hear the influence it in but you can't put on any of the three songs and go "This is an emarosa song that got thrown away." I definitely you try to find the torrent for this and download it ASAP.

2. nevershoutnever! - the Summer Ep.
Christopher Drew makes music for the pure fact that he loves making music and he loves making people happy. This kid came storming onto the scene out of no where and just took over. Every song on this EP is completely different from the last, different vibe, different influence, different everything. The wierdest part about this ep is how he closed it with a dark, depressing song about how he regrets losing his virginity. Hands down my favorite song on the ep is Simple Enough, it sounds(and probably was) just recorded as a demo and at the last minute was like "Put Simple Enough on the EP too." It has this cool lo-fi I just demoed this song in my parents basement kind of vibe with the piano and vocals sounding distant and having a slight echo. Every song on the EP is right where it needs to be.

3. This Will Destroy You - Young Mountain
This is hands down one of the most relaxing albums to listen to. I'm listening to it as I write this review and I can't really think of how to describe it other than relaxing. I was making out with Jenn last week while listening to this album, we would kiss the entire song and whenever one song would end we would stop and talk until the next song picked up. If you stressed out this is definitely an album to pick up and put on.

This week has been weird, Jenn has been in Texas visiting family and my parents are in Hawaii with my Aunt and Uncle. I never have the house to myself, Jenn being out of state has nothing to do with that having the house to myself, but I've just taken this week to sit at home and relax. I haven't got to sit at home by myself and just relax since I moved home in June.

I actually got out during the daytime and took some pictures today. There was a few I really liked that I put up on flickr. This one I liked but it didn't make the flickr cut.

Alive with the Glory of Love

I have a lot to be thankful this year. Here's a list of some of the things I am extremely thankful for.

1. As cheesy and generic of an answer this is I have to say it. I'm so thankful for God and his forgiveness, without Him I would not be alive.
2. Speaking of being alive, I am definitely thankful for that, last April while hanging out with my friend Travis and Brett tubing down a creek in Muscle Shoals Brett and I spilled over a waterfall and landed on rocks and then both of us almost drowned, so my value for life has grown a lot since then.
3. Because of that incident I decided to move back to California to be able to spend time with my parents. I'm so thankful for having a loving supportive set of parents that did an amazing job raising my brother, my sister and myself.
4. I'm so thankful for my brother, I always talk crap and joke but I'm proud of him, he's over in Afghanistan right now serving this country.
5. I'm thankful for my job, it's such a fun firm to work at. I'm so blessed to have a job I love that pays well in this economy.
6. Last but definitely not least, I am so thankful for Jenn, it's only been a few short weeks but she makes me extremely happy


I'm vegetarian. We all want turkey at Thanksgiving.

Your Hand In Mine

I broke my collar bone on Friday. It is hands down the most inconvenient thing on the planet. It takes me so long and a great deal of pain to get dressed. I got stuck in a windbreaker for 15 minutes the other night. It sucks. On a positive note the vicodin makes me dominate at scrabble.

Despite the whole breaking my collar bone thing, my friday was really nice. Because of that I spent the entire day with Jenn. A lot of it was spent in Urgent Care waiting rooms but it was nice to just sit there with her. We didn't get to eat until around 530 that day so after that the day went a lot better for Jenn, she was starting to get cranky. After that we dropped off my prescription and got my car and dropped it off at my house. She got to meet my mom, which was unexpected, and they got along great, my mom was even cracking jokes and kind of making fun of her for babying me. My parents already like her better than my last girlfriend, which is a great thing, especially because my dad hasn't even met her yet.

After we dropped my car off we went back to her house and just sat on her bed and talked the rest of the night, she showed me old pictures and stuff from high school and junior high. We listened to This Will Destroy You and Explosions In The Sky she really liked them, which makes me happy. It was just nice to bond with her, I really like that we are open about everything.

I know in past relationships I always have trouble being 100% me, there is always a part of me that I hide for some reason but with this one I can say is I am not hiding any part of me. Jenn is the first girl I've been like this with in a long time. Her and I are a lot alike with things and that helps so much. I've never dating someone like me and it's so much better.

Somebody's Gonna Miss Us

St. Louis Missouri July 2003.


The other night I was hanging out with Jenn and she pulls out her high school yearbooks. I found a random picture of myself and my friends from 9th grade playing hackie sack, I didn't know it was there. I had completely forgot about that, or those people at least.

We go through each year and jr year still had my picture in it even though I left halfway through the year. I look at my picture and laugh and ignore the blue box around just assuming it. Then I hear "did you notice the blue box?" Turns out the blue box is for cute boys. Cute right?

We finally got to senior year and she just kept telling me these great stories. Stories from being on the robotics team, stories from grad night, things like that. After we finished I grabbed my phone and posted a tweet basically saying "for the first since in 4 years I actually feel like I missed out on my senior year." I was in awe that I actually said that, I had a blast my senior year. My senior year I mainly spent doing merch for a few of my friends bands. I got to go to shows out of town at least once or twice a week for the end of 2005 and at least three times a week for the first couple months of 2006. I was all over California. Not to mention when I wasn't out with my friends I was working an internship as an editor for a video podcast. I had a blast doing both of those things and now I have friends spread across the west coast because of it and I have the job that I have now.
I was talking to another friend from high school about it today and her reply has been ringing in my head all day. "You shouldn't feel like you missed out because you didn't have the stereotypical normal high school experience." She's right, I didn't. Nothing in my life has ever been normal and I accepted that a long time ago.

I never thought I would write these words but I wish I went to prom, I wish I acted like a jackass at football games, I wish I went to grad night, I wish I walked in the graduation ceremony with friends.

Things Fall Apart

I went to lunch with my friend Dylan today. We went to high school together, kind of. The first three weeks of my Senior year I went to the same private school he did but we never met. Probably cause I hung out with the seniors and he was a freshman at the time, that makes me feel old cause he goes to CSUN now. We were sharing stories from when we went there. Mine were from the previous semester before he got there but it was a tiny school so he know who I was talking about. I really didn't care for anyone at the high school I went to before that, which makes the whole Jenn and I dating thing that much more random, but I love all the kids I went to at that private school. In fact while I'm writing this I'm talking to one of my friends from that school on Facebook.

I'm just feeling old at 21. Besides that two year disappearance to Alabama I have been going non stop since I was probably around 13. It also doesn't help that the last time i stepped foot into a classroom was september 2005 and the last time I did homework, or at least tried on homework, was sometime in 2004.

Anyways, the past year, maybe less I've just been looking back on my life, see the changes I've made, the different interests, different girls, different fashion, different everything. I never thought I would be the man I am now but oddly this is exactly who I want to be.

The last two relationship I've been in shook me to the core when they were over. Both times I had to look back on who I was and I didn't like what I saw. Who I am now, how I treat Jenn, I'm impressed with who I've become. I never thought I would ever be able to say that.

Jude Law and a Semester Abroad

This is kind of copying a "certain someones" blog post. haha

So in the middle of my junior year, January 2005, I just dropped off the face of the earth in the eyes of my friends from the high school I was attending at the moment. There were few people I kept in touch with and even fewer I cared to keep in touch with, so I lost touch by choice. That was a little under 5 years ago and obviously I have matured and I've been reconnecting with people on Facebook, some are the same few I wanted to keep in touch with and some are the ones that at the time I really didn't care to.

Fast forward to a few months ago when I found my friend Jennifer, we chatted a little bit over Facebook since I got it, nothing special. Early last week I log in and I have a wall post from Jennifer saying we should hang out, so I comment on it asking her to send me her number and we start texting. We did a little flirting over texts and we decide to go get lunch on that Thursday, I only had an hour and I was really enjoying her company so I asked if she wanted to watch a movie that night and she said yes. That night I went over and we cuddled as we watched the movie, in all honesty what happened next was completely unexpected, we kissed. I'm not too sure who made the move but I'm pretty sure it was me. When I was heading out the door I asked something I don't think I've ever asked anyone, "When can I see you again?" The next night I was in Santa Monica with some friends and I was texting her, I was being cute and offered to bring her some starbucks while she was at work the next morning because she said she loves starbucks, personally I hate it. I wake up Saturday morning and I'm excited to see her, I drive across town to her work and bring her a white mocha frap. We hung out the next few nights and slowly started realizing we have feelings for each other...or at least finally admitting to them.

My last two relationships I've done the long distance thing, like states apart and I'm sick of it. I shared that last piece of information because of what I'm about to say. Jennifer leaves for a semester in Europe in a little more than two months, that's why we both didn't want to admit the feelings we have. I know how hard long distance is, I know about the ups and downs but it would be a 100% lie if I said I don't want to keep this going and go through that tough time. I'm not too sure where she stands on this situation but I know this is something that brings joy to both of us so I don't want to end it any time soon. I guess we will just cross that bridge when we get there but as for now I like where we are at and how this is going.

Livin' La Vida Loca

So a lot has happened since my last post. Well not really, just seems that way. My girlfriend and I spilt so I've just been focusing on work. I got more (tattoo)work done on my arm and that really is about it. With this lack of a girlfriend I have been going to bible study and hanging out with old and new friends. Last night I went to Santa Monica and hung out with one of my friends from when I lived in Alabama, she was out there for a film festival that was going on, I was walking her to her hotel room and there was a party in the courtyard for this movie "kickass" all I know about it is Nicholas Cage has something to do with it. There was a spot light that had a stencil that spelt out "kickass" shining on the walls of the hotel. Before that though we were walking around third street and the pier just talking about stuff we've gone through with former lovers and the crazy lives we've both had. We we're talking about how random the people we meet are, politicians, musicians, actors, ect. We were just talking about how thats stuff that isn't "normal" but because of who of are parents aren't are its normal to us, more so her than me but meeting those kind of people doesn't even phase us, but I guess we might be in the right mindset because they are just people.

I was telling her this story of one of our friend about how I was talking to him before his band played, small local band nothing notable, and he was freaking out cause the singer of the death metal band "Impending Doom" was standing next to him. Me, being the douche bag I am,replied with "So?" which led him to say "Its brook from Impending Doom!" or something like that, basically just repeating himself to get his point across. After that I replied with "Yea? So? He's a person just like you, doing literally the same exact thing you are. The only difference is his band is on a label and your band isn't" I don't get why or how people can idolize another person that much. I understand looking up to someone and to push your skill to match the skill that person has or even try to be better than someone but at the end of the day theyre still a human being, they still pay bills, take craps, long for love, feel alone. You can look at Heath Ledger or DJAM, at the end of there life they weren't what the world thought they were, they were just humans that felt alone.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying these people aren't special or talented, that's not what I'm saying at all. They're human being, not God.

Observations and what not

I spent this weekend with my girlfriend and her family. If you came across this blog somehow and don't know me personally I'll put it out there that I am white as white can be. My girlfriend, on the other hand, is Mexican and Salvadorian, she makes that clear every time I just say she's Mexican. Back to what I was getting at. I spent the entire weekend with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad loves soccer and watches all the games that come on, since they speak primarily Spanish in the house he watches the games in Spanish. While I was watching the game with her father I had no idea what the announcers were saying, what the names of the teams were or anything like that, I just knew that one team had white jerseys and the other team had blue, but since I have an understanding of the sport I still knew what was going on. I wasn't paying to much attention to the game but I was still in awe about this. I just found this to be a beautiful thing, the fact that language, culture, even races didn't matter it was just about the sporting and your team winning the game. I think this is the only, besides "Cops", you can watch in a language you don't know and still understand whats going on....but then again the audio on "Cops" is hilarious so id rather watch that in English.

Screw it, I'm doing a cd review on this post too.
This post I'm reviewing Trenches - The Tide Will Swallow Us Hole. Solid State Records released this cd around a year ago and i've listened to it off and on since I got. This band was formed by Haste the Days former vocalist Jimmy Ryan but don't let that fool you this is no screamo/metalcore band. This cd is more for fans Cult of Luna than Atreyu. This cd is heavy, but not in the Suicide Silence, Whitechapel style buligerent open breakdowns and ridiculous blast beats. This has melodic and ambient guitars that are tuned low enough to make it sound heavy even though the guitars are pretty on top of slow, heavy drums with vocal used more as an instrument than as a tool to keep the listener from realizing the song repeats itself. I hope to see this band around for a long while.

august 19th

So I've never written a blog before but I'm always up to try something new. I guess I'll just start this off with talking about me, let the reader learn something. In the words of the band Ruiner "I'm just a hardcore kid from a shitty town no different than any of you." granted you might not be a hardcore kid, might live in a great town, or both. Regardless of what music you like or where you live it's just a poetic way of saying I'm nothing special.
I never went to college, I didn't try in high school, I didn't come from money, I've gotten to this point in my life because of my own choices and hard work.
I'm 21, my passion is in different types of film making, photography and music. All of those things have brought me either jobs i love or the chance to travel with bands. Before I turned 19 I had already met CEO's of companies, gone on business trips and travel around with a few of my friends bands. Needless to say I am happy with my life.
This blog has no point, it will probably mostly be just random reviews about albums and movies or just random stories from hanging out with my freinds.
So to start off that trend and habit I want to send you off with this recomendation; Jonny Craig - A Dream is a Question You Don't Know How to Answer. Check it out it was released yesterday on Rise Records. Jonny Craig is the former singer of band Dance Gavin Dance and current singer of Emorosa. Surprisingly unlike most other solo album this one doesnt sound like the band he's in, its not crappy electro beats he made on his laptop in the van on tour and its not just simple hipster-acoustic emo. You can really tell he put time, effort and heart into this record. I have had it a little over an hour and this is my second time listeng to it. I might redo my review on this record after a few more listens but I can already tell this isn't going to get off my iPod anytime soon.